Hoarfrost looks almost dangerous, yet is incredibly fragile and temporary. I don't believe Hell to always be hot, sometimes it is ever so bone-chillingly cold.
Yesterday was tough. Its always worst when I'm not feeling well, regardless of illness, shift-work or general overwhelming fatigue days. I realize MrD is competing for attention, I know at 13 he still needs attention. I have always tried to encourage him to amuse himself. At times he just can't, currently its most awful when he's competing for "who feels worst" title. That pisses me off. I realize it is part of his self centric self and that he will always be young for his age. That doesn't change the fact that he has no right to kick me when I'm down, or anyone for that matter. He has a sore knee, which we will address at an upcoming doctor appointment. He's been complaining of it for awhile now, but I have been allowing common sense to watch & wait to see if it settles down or gets worse. I understand that pain is pain, and it is what the person says it is. Pain also reduces his coping. I struggle with the reality that at times its better & worse, and sometimes becomes an excuse to not do things he didn't want to do anyways. Yet, in the midst of yet another tantrum, because he can't have his own way (computer time), he chose to hit his sore knee. Somehow, he was trying to emphasize he is hurting more. Immature coping, paired with Auspergers logic, how the hell do I figure this out? Thankfully my husband took MrD for a drive, he saw MrD railing for attention I did not have to give, and that MrD had no right to be demanding in such a vicious way. I had a chance to read this long article, Why French parents are superior. I realize it is a commentary of social differences. The gem was that children need to be taught patience, to wait, and to accept it. That's a very real life skill. I have worked for 13 years to teach this, but I still have to remind myself that MrD is a work in progress. The proof is that MrD can do so many things independently already. He can walk to & from school, safely ride his bicycle, use the telephone, electronics, washer/drier, dishwasher, feed the pets... He just can't always cope as expected, that is why Auspergers autism is often known as an invisible disorder. Every day we have another example of why adults have to adapt their thinking to the problem at hand of how to get forward movement out of this child. He came home tearful and apologetic because he almost got himself an early ride all the way to his Dad's home. Thankfully my husband realized my son was playing in bullying and manipulations, not just unmet needs of attention. I suppose those are signs of MrD's advancing thinking modes, certainly not modes that we will ever encourage.
