Homework Aversion Power

Is it wrong to hate my son's homework more than he does?  MrD is such a smart person, he can do so many things.  Unfortunately he is insanely stubborn.  When he doesn't want to do something, he will do it as slowly and painfully as possible.  He has no insight into how this is a negative vortex that uses up all available precious free time & energy.  I have been indirectly studying how he thinks and learns. As anyone knows, it is much easier to learn when we are interested in the topic.  Most people don't have the luxury of learning only what they like. In the school system we take our due diligence & learn the prescribed curriculum and muddle through as best we can.  The goal is to pass, and to pass well enough that it counts cumulatively especially if we want to continue onward to college or university.

Much to every teacher's horror, MrD has terrible study & work habits that he's been honing for years.  In grade 1 he had printing homework, the teacher reported finding it hidden behind the class bookshelf.  That is problem-solving and intelligence right?  It's even harder to be the parent who has to receive these updates with child in earshot, and not react.  This son of mine, despite the initial faint smirk and firm clear language that this is not the way to "do" homework, grabbed onto the tiny smirk & took that as positive.  I had no idea he would grab that micro-expression so quickly and lock it into his memory.  He's always worked best for patience and approval.  His favorite flavour of approval seems to be with a twist.

What's a micro-expression?  We've all seen them, registered them, thought quizzically with why something doesn't jive in conversation, and ultimately ignored them.  They do ring alarms with our intuitive knowledge.  Have you ever received a gift and thought, "ugg, what the hell am I going to do with this?" but politely said with a smile, "Thanks!  This is so great!"  Chances are that smile wasn't genuine, your eyes didn't crinkle to match the smile, but it passed.  Before the smile, right as you thought it your body language briefly gave your initial impression away.  Watch other people & you will see it, it's brief but it's there.  That's a white lie made to help make the other person feel better and it keeps the relationship gliding.

Unfortunately micro-expressions are very easy to misinterpret.  I'm certain that is how some family feuds, street wars and office dynamics are corrupted.  High school is rife with these mini-dramas.  A fight can break out because someone didn't like how another person looked at them.  Experience, maturity  & insight helps level out these things a bit.  How about fights that break out online in chat-rooms or message-boards?  They often start because someone negatively misread another's tone or voice.  All interactions start with our own bias & mood.  How do you teach self awareness to someone that only wants to learn "cherry picking" style?

Back to hating homework.  MrD has a memory that snaps things he likes in fiercely, iron clad.  If he is struggling or doesn't want to learn something it doesn't stick.  The more he dislikes something, for whatever reason, the more resistant he is.  I have figured out the key is to trick ourselves into wanting to learn something based on the merit we may need it sometime.  That doesn't always work either but it helps.  If I don't want to learn something that I have to, I have learned to make myself start earlier and to work more often in short chunks of time.  AND I reward myself with doing something I really like to do.  Homework is one of our current problem solving dilemmas.  MrD has pure stubborn resistance power.  Even with tangible rewards, he forgets & lets the dislike predominate.  Somehow we will break this habit & substitute it for better ones.  It takes heavy detective work to find out WHY MrD dislikes or even hates a subject.  Sometimes it's the class, the time of day, a particular classmate, an assignment, or even the teacher or teacher's assistant.  I wish stubborn were a superpower that could be used for good, not evil, sigh.