Answer: We learn
Isn't that the simple truth of humanity? It doesn't matter our ability or status, if we want to know something, we learn about it. We can read about it in a book, an encyclopedia, or an internet search. Historically people sought out others with expertise & traded or bartered for learning skills. If we were exceptionally fortunate we could learn first from our family.
We learn social skills, by experience and imitation. We learn why a joke is a groaner or funny by our experiences. I recently was reminded that sometimes we just can't tell someone how to learn something, we have to show them. It is so very important to be aware of learning styles and strengths. A good example is to learn to walk through a crowded area. Children are taught or figure out to get out of the way or they could be stepped on. As we grow older & taller there is a transition point where we have to learn to maintain our space, or "hold our line." When we give up our personal space, we are crowded out, pushed aside, or become part of the background. Or people walk into us, or they can even touch us inappropriately. If we don't learn to hold our line, other people go ahead of us in lineups and we don't get a turn. We learn the value of our personal space by experience. Recently a stranger was walking right into my son's space in a crowded store and I saw him dodging out of the way. That is only one strategy to deal with that situation. I taught him right then that is is better to call out loud and clear, "Excuse me!" to make the stranger aware that they are needing to pay better attention & someone is there already. We also learn to stick out our elbows slightly in a crowd. This is not to harm another person, but to serve a gentle reminder to others to pay attention when they walk into us, that they do not have a right to all the space either. More often than not, they apologize for bumping us, sometimes even if we did the bump. That is manners in action, they are so very important. Manners keep us civilized, sooth misunderstandings, and keep rudeness from multiplying. Rudeness can promptly become misunderstandings, shouting matches or even physical fights. Parents have to be vigilant for opportunities to teach the abstract concept of manners, regardless of autism spectrum.
