Another's shoes

A big part of being Mom to MrD is to be aware of his perspective.  This goes a huge way into figuring out why he struggles.  Sometimes its not enough, but at least I'm trying.  Perspective taking is something I have had to be creative about in teaching my son.  Owning pets really helps, pets have feelings, ideas, and most importantly rights.  If you doubt that, you just need to read about animal abuse stories and think about the atrocities committed.  Animals can go a long way to helping teach compassion.

Perspective is important, so is compassion.  Then there is a line that is overboard and we are ripe to be taken advantage of.  I have found that teaching extreme polar opposite ends of why we have manners and why we do things a certain way helps form a framework to fill in the subtleties that create grey areas.  It seems that the big details help to make it make sense, with time.  Teaching why rudeness is unacceptable means talking about why you would not wear your muddy shoes into another's home, sit at their table and then swing those filthy feet up onto their table.  That shows why feet should never be on the table.  Building on that, sitting on your chair rather than waving your butt at your table-mates while you lean over & kneel badly in your chair picking something up is also rude.  See how the rules and rationale build with concrete examples.  Temple Grandin openly spoke of learning table manners and her mother's frustration with her eating with her mouth open.  It wasn't until Ms Grandin went to a friends home for a meal and was horrified to see others talk and eat with their mouths open.  She told of telling her mother that it was like looking into a open garbage truck and it was aweful.  Only THEN was it real for her mother to complete the teaching of why it is rude.  These types of lessons are everywhere to talk about and learn from.  They are commonly referred to as "teachable moments" and are often more valuable than instruction or formal lessons.

Being compassionate is not the same as being another person. It is the understanding that their experiences are similar but different than our own that is a milestone with Auspergers Autism.  From there we learn about lying, which is another milestone.  You have to understand other people have different perspectives or lying is irrelevant. Then begins discussions about lying, white lies, blatant lies, and trust, or erosion of trust as a result of lies.  The children's story about "Henny Penny, The Sky is Falling" is now relevant again.  The trick is finding less juvenile examples that are equally interesting.