Down time

Video games, the bane of my patience and the love of my son.  They're great, they teach repetition, problem solving, pattern recognition.  They jump over the hurdle of anxiety that we can't do something because its not real, just a game.  They also build huge amounts of physical tension ("stress") while MrD's playing because he has to sit still, pay attention, direct the game, and ignore his environment.  That's a great way to veg out, until it's time to get off the game.  I have learned without limits, it is impossible to get cooperation.  If he's not off the game by the agreed on time, then he will forfeit double time the next day, or lose game time completely the next day.  Much whining, and arguing ensues.  I'm not his friend, I'm his Mom, I have a right to direct how he uses our resources.

A certain amount of parenting is being uncomfortable, making a child do what they know they should do, but don't want to.  Pushing a child to be uncomfortable (within reason) is how they learn.  We learn  math & english skills with repetition.  We learn to face uncomfortable situations by jumping in or researching first & they trying.  We learn by watching someone else do it first or falling on our face.  We teach overcoming anxiety every day in small & large ways.  We do no favours hiding our own emotional discomfort all the time.  It is exhausting constantly titrating to push or to hold back.

Back to video games, they're addictive but fun.  There's a balancing act we have to teach.  I like to experiment to see what happens.  There's sound playing layers of music or a constant drone, turn it down or allow it to scream.  There's blinking lights, changing colours, changing screens, changing challenges.  Imposing a short time limit is stressful, but so is allowing a free for all for an afternoon.  Its important to also interrupt him frequently on some games, just for the experience.  It is important to allow the experience of these factors and then talk about it.  I am trying very hard to appeal to MrD's sense of intelligence and growing experience & awareness.  It can't hurt to encourage him to think about it.

I find playing repetitive pattern solving games like solitaire, tetris, bejeweled or angry birds, relaxing, but after awhile my mind wanders away.  I said it, I get bored.  Interestingly, MrD is a terrible audience to video games, he's like a bad backseat driver!  I almost forgot how important it is to have the audience experience since I have lots of forced time in that seat.  I think it is great to be an audience because I learn how the other person problem solves and learn different strategies, or at least how they strategize somewhat.  MrD learns that he can't have his way, he can't impose his will, he is not in control, and there's nothing he can do about it.  That's life too!

We need to play more board games & card games.  They are so vital to turn taking, winning & losing, and strategy.  Most importantly of all, human interaction.  Electronics are taking over the world, its a digital age of internet, TV, advertising, games, shopping, communications, reading and entertainment.  They seem to omit social manners, interactions, and respect for space & property.  Most interestingly, they seem to promote addictive behaviours.  I can't go anywhere without seeing someone glued to a cell phone.  Is that anxiety I see when someone is constantly checking facebook?  Is it misdirected nervous energy?  Is it depression masked as addiction thinly veiled in obsession with email?

I am really impressed with human resiliency.  More and more people are dumping their facebook accounts after realizing that it is a glorified high-school setting of competing for status.  Not to mention it can be a horrendous time vampire.  I'm hoping that is saturation and intelligence at work for people to realize, they control their media not vice versa.  I believe this to be an active example of problem solving at its more complex levels.  If our heads are down too long, eventually we realize when we come up for air that something is amuck.  We intuitively recognize a pattern of "something's wrong" with our time usage.  Pattern recognition leads problem solving.  This is why I fight so hard with my son over the every day battles.  If I don't interrupt him and teach him what I am seeing, he cannot easily recognize it himself.  To allow mistakes and not always engage in the battles, he hopefully can also learn that he needs to control it.  We all learn self control, by experience and trial & error.  Thankfully, we don't have to learn everything that way, all humans are intelligent to some degree.  I strongly feel that fostering an awareness of feelings is crucial to knowing WHY things are right & wrong.  Without feelings, we would all be sociopaths to some degree.

Media

I learned when my child fixates on something to the exclusion of all others to be cautious & seriously question it.  Video games are designed to be addictive.  They're repetitive & reward based, solve or conquer.  They're fun, but they need to be limited.  Its hard to be the one to always take the high road, to do things the hard way.  I have to set limits on TV, computer time, & video games in our home.  Its not reasonable to exclude them, but I can teach boundary setting a little at a time.  I'm a mean Mom that way.  Occasionally I let the video games go on for a whole afternoon, thats okay too.  I received good advice to allow it once in a while because the body sets consequences of boredom, frustration hunger, thirst & bathroom breaks that cannot be ignored indefinitely.  The fallout of a grumpy boy is not sweet, downright nasty usually.  Thats where the hard road fits in, sourcing out the root of the tantrum is usually hunger & fatigue.  Snack time, quiet, distraction & later discussion of the frustration sometimes helps.

So, electronics are addicting but repetitive and socially acceptable.  Stimming is not.  Stimming is self stimulating at a primal level to relieve stress or anxiety.  Sometimes they are referred to as "ticks." Some kids spin, rock, self harm, knock, hum,  click or grunt.  It is hard to be vigilant for stimming because it changes.  Is biting your nails, tapping a pen, clenching your jaw, licking your lips, blinking repeatedly or flinching stimming?  The clue lies in the behaviour.  Is it impossible to stop mid stim?  Is it tantrum status if interrupted?  The problem I've found is that the bigger a deal I make about the stimming, the more anxiety is created & the more entrenched the stimming becomes.  Thats a vicious circle no one wants to be in the middle of.

An introduction

Autism is predominantly an invisible handicap.  Autism & dementia are becoming more & prevalent across all cultures.  What's with that?  Humanity seems to be at the top of its game, with the endless intelligence, innovations, inventions, & technology.  Then we get these humbling knocks on the ego in our various regions of the world with huge environmental wake up calls Hello, knock knock, earthquake, tsunami's tornadoes, toxic substance leaks...  Thats life isn't it, micro or macro, crisis comes, we dig in & get through it.  "Higher Power" has more influence than we can ever fathom, regardless of religion, something is at work. Living to be the best person we can be is the goal.  Thats a tall order don't you think?

Autism seems to be the current flavour of the media.  It doesn't hurt that April is Autism awareness month.  There are so many varieties or sub categories of autism, yet very little is understood about it.  Those geeks & nerds that people in the 80's liked to make fun of, well, Silicone Valley & big business has wisely welcomed them.  In the 50's & 60's they were just different, odd, or eccentric.  If it wasn't for the "different thinkers" of the world, there would be no innovations.  I'm coming at this from a view of understanding & tolerance.  Whether people are nice, smart, dumb, or socially numb, they're still people.  This isn't a Polyanna-married-Barney-swallow-it-whole viewpoint.  It's reasonable to think that there are as many varieties of autism as there are "normal" personalities.

This blog is an effort to make me think about what I have learned about Autism, and to share it.  There are multiple theories as to why Autism happens.  Is it genetics gone awry.  Did the everyday environmental pollutants team up with immunizations to create deficits.  Are these children lacking enzymes & nutrients in our everyday diet. Is there toxins competing for receptors for antioxidants.  Is there food intolerances.  Are we seeing the benefits of the quietly genetically engineered food trickling in through our entire food chain & reacting with genetics & environment.  We may not see answers for another 50+ years at any rate.  The most interesting new development is that Autism seems to have a definite genetic link.   Schizophrenia & Autism have been mapped & found to be on opposite ends of the same genome.  I don't have a link to point to where I gleaned that from, but its out there.  Its been embedded in genetic codes longer than its been understood.

Maybe we are going to finally see more intelligence applied to understanding the brain.  Hopefully the policy makers will apply more mental health funding & education options.  Mental disorders, addictions, autism, dementia, these all affect the brain.  We are hardwired to seek what we desire.  Its cliche, mother's breast-milk is sweet, babies love sweet first, there's clear instant compatibility for survival.  Well then, Mr. Marketing, business thrives on tapping into our subliminal desires, addictions even.  I seriously dislike commercials on television and radio, the LOUD yammering insulting repetitiveness fractures my attention, drills into my head, and makes me irritated. Little normal children can't get enough of it, while other children freak out on sensory overload.  Why is it normal to be bombarded in this way?  What happens when abnormal outnumber the normal; complacence it seems.