Xrays

Good news, MrD does not have Osgood-Schlatter Disease (Knee Pain)  according to the xrays everything is normal.  Bad news is, what is it?  So we wait, we limp, he misses out on gym class, and Taekwando, and gets more & more pent up.  I have been challenging him with lots of tutoring.  He also has to do a minimum 30 minutes a day of typing tutor before he gets any computer time.  He's really resistant to the typing tutor, so I have to stand my ground & mention there will be no video games until the TT time is done.  I set the expectation, stood my ground, and he's up to 10 words/minute.  Score one for Mom!  I figure if he needs to rest, his brain needs to be kept active.  In 4 weeks we revisit the doctor & see what happens next.  Fingers crossed this goes away soon, this boy needs to be kept busy!

This is a Dr Dreadful (gross) candy making kit.

This candy making set has nothing to do with tattle tales.  It's great for encouraging a bath for relaxing & soaking with a sore knee.  It is a great bathtub play set, just be sure to get rid of 50% of the candy before handing it to a child, unless you like peeling children off the ceiling!

And then the dog died

Here's our old dogs, Barney in the foreground, Ginger in the background wearing her winter sweater.  This is a picture from their younger years.  We know that animals help teach so very much, especially to children.  We all receive birthdays,  with that comes an unspoken knowledge of a "death day," some day.  Barney was 16 and getting quite senile with cataracts, hearing loss and even seemed to be losing his nose sense.  Barney was found as a pup, tied to a tree in a ravine, abandoned.  The neighborhood and SPCA were canvassed and no one claimed him so my (not yet) husband kept him.  Ginger has been a good friend to him being his eyes & ears assistance these last few years.  I got Ginger from the SPCA when she was about 2 years old.  MrD was about 2 years old at the time, he has grown up knowing these dogs friendship and oddities.  I have encouraged MrD to think of pets as people too, I believe the alternate that they are objects would be teaching possibly sociopath tendencies.  Everyone knows pets have their own special personalities, positive & negative.  With pets comes responsibilities, MrD learned to give them cookies in the morning, supper every day, water and defertilizinig the yard duties.  He had a ritual for awhile of giving them "special suppers" which became more and more complicated and lengthy.  Once we realized it was becoming more obsessive than practical, discussions and subtle changes in the routine enabled breaking the obsessive component.

The day Barney passed was not typical.  My husband had to go out, MrD was asked to let me rest to have a bit of a sleep in.  I heard the dog yelping but I knew they were up & didn't get up immediately, figuring they could handle it.  A short time later MrD came to me in tears, "Barney died."  My brave fellow watched the whole short event by himself and didn't call for me.  No one made him, but he knew it was important to be there & not leave the dog alone.  He told me that Barney seemed a bit scared so he made sure to stay right there & pet him & tell him he's okay.  I told him that he did the right thing, and that this was a special thing that Barney maybe wanted him there.  That poor old dog suffered anxiety and hated being alone for his whole life.

MrD understands that everyone has a death date since we've lost a cat and then my Dad in the last few years.  He has interprets death in his own way, that we go to heaven, to be the essence of life & love and that the spirit lives on, especially in our memory.  Everyone was lost for the day but it was most important that we be kind to each other and not spend the whole day moping.  Over lunch MrD & I talked about anxiety and grief, how similar they can be creeping in.  I told him I think of it like a wave.  If I stop and stare at it too long, it freezes, and I'm left staring at it and don't know what to do with it.  If I take a deep breath I can let it roll over me, through me, and let it pass as its meant to its not as bad.  MrD said for him its more like a wall.  I asked him what he meant.  He said that its like driving through town and hitting the pulp-mill wall of stench.  One moment the air is fine, then next moment its tortuous.  He said that there is no point stopping then and being stuck in that stench, that it is more important to keep going to get through it and away from it.  Nothing like a small town northern Canadian to have a perspective like that!

And then we learn again from our animals, routines change, we miss our friend and the day marches on.  Animals miss their lost friends, but they accept it and move on.  I think they are smarter than humans for this, they don't let it dominate them indefinitely.  Death doesn't define us, life does.  I have seen that the longer we fixate on hard feelings, the longer they change our brain chemistry to stay that way.  Depression, anxiety, fear, paranoia, even pain all grow this way because of the extra time thinking about them in our neural pathways.  Our memories are built of repetition and learning and it makes sense that mental health can grow or recede by our own will.  That's when we need the strength and support of our families & friends most.

Another day, another tantrum

 Hoarfrost looks almost dangerous, yet is incredibly fragile and temporary.  I don't believe Hell to always be hot, sometimes it is ever so bone-chillingly cold.  

Yesterday was tough.  Its always worst when I'm not feeling well, regardless of illness, shift-work or general overwhelming fatigue days.  I realize MrD is competing for attention, I know at 13 he still needs attention.  I have always tried to encourage him to amuse himself.  At times he just can't, currently its most awful when he's competing for "who feels worst" title.  That pisses me off.  I realize it is part of his self centric self and that he will always be young for his age.  That doesn't change the fact that he has no right to kick me when I'm down, or anyone for that matter.  He has a sore knee, which we will address at an upcoming doctor appointment.  He's been complaining of it for awhile now, but I have been allowing common sense to watch & wait to see if it settles down or gets worse.  I understand that pain is pain, and it is what the person says it is.  Pain also reduces his coping.  I struggle with the reality that at times its better & worse, and sometimes becomes an excuse to not do things he didn't want to do anyways.  Yet, in the midst of yet another tantrum, because he can't have his own way (computer time), he chose to hit his sore knee.  Somehow, he was trying to emphasize he is hurting more.  Immature coping, paired with Auspergers logic, how the hell do I figure this out?  Thankfully my husband took MrD for a drive, he saw MrD railing for attention I did not have to give, and that MrD had no right to be demanding in such a vicious way.  I had a chance to read this long article, Why French parents are superior.  I realize it is a commentary of social differences.  The gem was that children need to be taught patience, to wait, and to accept it.  That's a very real life skill.  I have worked for 13 years to teach this, but I still have to remind myself that MrD is a work in progress.  The proof is that MrD can do so many things independently already.  He can walk to & from school, safely ride his bicycle, use the telephone, electronics, washer/drier, dishwasher, feed the pets...  He just can't always cope as expected, that is why Auspergers autism is often known as an invisible disorder.  Every day we have another example of why adults have to adapt their thinking to the problem at hand of how to get forward movement out of this child.  He came home tearful and apologetic because he almost got himself an early ride all the way to his Dad's home.  Thankfully my husband realized my son was playing in bullying and manipulations, not just unmet needs of attention.  I suppose those are signs of MrD's advancing thinking modes, certainly not modes that we will ever encourage.