There are definitely differences in rules between Mom & Dad's homes. MrD's happy to go to Dad's house. He comes back and is usually all discombobulated. He's been allowed to stay up later, doesn't take his vitamins, different eating schedule & different foods... Its just different. He also hides his autism from his father, knowing Dad doesn't understand his need to be annoying, to do things repetitively, to have rituals. My husband & I do understand, and we put up with a lot, within reason. "Pick your Battles" is the old adage of advice that filters through.
So he comes back tired, smelly, caffeinated, and wide awake. This is no fun to wrestle with school looming the next day. I developed a new rule recently & it helps, but not on Mondays. By 8pm MrD needs to be in the tub or shower (his choice), 830pm out & drying off, snacking if needed & teeth done. This is a tall order, even with reminders to a kid with a poor sense of time. We know this & are not too ridged about the exact time, the goal is to get him to be responsible and independent for his jobs. If he's ready before 830pm he can have "Boomer time," and take the cat (Boomer) to bed to cuddle while reading. 9pm is the end of Boomer time. If he's dragging along, it cuts into his time. If he's still not ready for bed by 9pm, fines start. 25cents/5minutes until 915pm, then after 915pm it doubles to 50cents/5minutes. He's starting to see money has value so this works. He whines & complains & argues every minute of the way, but as long as he's still getting ready for bed, no big deal. A little melatonin (1.5mg) also helps on these evenings.
Monday comes, he's tired, slow to wake up, & dragging along every step of the way to get to school. He gets out the door, but its his choice to eat or not. Its his choice to get dressed or go to school in his pyjamas. Its his choice to grab his lunch, watch & key. To be fair, I do remind him some but I'm trying to back off on that. If he doesn't eat his lunch, I usually get phone calls from the school that he's being defiant somehow. After school, I figured out that I need to work him, to not allow him much "down time." I've noticed if I allow him too much down time on a Monday, he drifts along & fights me all afternoon, and all evening. So I set the timer for 15 minutes and told him to be ready to go to help me get groceries. That gets us out of the house. About 2 minutes before I was leaving I hollered, BYE! I was almost backing out the driveway before he came barreling out of the house to join me. I told him to go back & wash his hands, then lock the door. His hands were filthy & he didn't do it afterschool like I'd asked. Automatic car locks helped reinforce the point. He complied & away we went. It was a big grocery haul, he enjoyed helping pick & lift groceries, visiting the sample ladies helps too. When we got home he was great helping unload groceries, feed the dogs their supper (his job), cleaned a carpet mess, and helped haul the mega load of laundry back upstairs to the bedrooms. He's just got enough time to preview the book he paid half for, "Survive, the ultimate Edition." by Les Stroud host of Survivorman. Out the door again to TaeKwanDo, just in time.
This was sooooo much better than the usual argue, whine, yell-a-thon we usually do. Draining his energy & keeping him busy in a positive way is the key. I wish I'd figured it out sooner. I also wish schools would take a lesson from this and exercise children right at the start of the day, maybe there would be a bit less behaviour problems overall. Mr D was happy, busy, and helping, just the person he was on Friday before he had his weekend.
“Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” Albert Einstein
