I had trouble titling this post. A well timed hissy fit? When's my turn? Why all the tantrums? Make the yelling stop? There are multiple times a week when yelling is the only way to get through selective hearing. I can ask, remind, repeat, nag, yell, swear, and still not be acknowledged or obeyed. Drives us crazy for everyday crap like flushing the toilet, brushing teeth, cleaning up own messes, stopping annoying behaviour or noises...Ad nauseam.
We have some methods that work: removing privileges to electronics for a day or more; adding chores; canceling play dates; earlier bed times. Those don't always have as much bite as a more inappropriate solution. Or should I say, "creative problem-solving"? I have learned that if someone stockpiles dirty clothes and does not care if they go without clean ones, they still stink. I don't have to put up with that, I re-fragrance with nice stinky perfume! Man does that ever get the message in! I don't pick up dirty dishes, I refuse to go along cleaning up behind someone who is capable of doing it themselves. So privileges are suspended until the mess gets dealt with. Conversing with other parents and adults is so crucial to help provide my own sanity break. That in itself is sometimes enough problem solving. Its worth it for the long run goal, independence & understanding WHY we do certain routines every ding-dang day. No, I would not let it get to the point of bug infestation or mould or anything gross. My job is to hammer in the message that being self sufficient is a life long skill. MrD's job is to somehow assimilate it.
I have a high tolerance for ignoring certain things. I have to. Ever received, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom..." in a store? Anywhere? And yes, sometimes I wait until Mr D forgets why he's Mom-ing me, and THEN bellow back, "WHAAAATTTTT?!" Which is delightfully startling and embarrassing for him. At times I do get to my breaking point. Those moments really shine. I feel awful for it but I would never let on. I sometimes have to have my own tantrum to hone in the point that I am human, I have a breaking point, and I do not deserve to be crapped on with such awful behaviour. Its stressful and exhilarating at the same time. I do hold back, I don't call names and I don't condescend. I do call him out that its got to stop, that this is not how a family treats each other (with toxic behaviours). Once the storm passes, the tears and noses are wiped, the apologies & hugs come through, the most miraculous thing happens. Niceness. Honest, genuine, real niceness and cooperation for about a week anyway. All that week I think to myself, why did I wait so long? My own meltdown was so worth it. Complacence and tolerance factor in. I am not afraid to challenge Auspergers Autism behaviours. I am not afraid of the ensuing tantrums, broken stuff, tears, crocodile tears, screaming, and defiant behaviour. I learned long ago that those are exactly when not to back down, to stand firm and continue to challenge. If I do, crap gets even more entrenched, and the stubbornness is even more fierce. Life is full of challenges, nothing stays the same so its best learned at home before the real world clobbers him. Also I think timing is a valuable teacher. If I have a tantrum every time I don't get my way, well, I'd be raging multiple times a day. Not worth it, MrD would learn that Mom's having a hysterical moment, again, and quickly learn to ignore me more. Like the, "WHAAAATTTT!" the shock factor is what makes it work.
I have to admit, I need to make myself "take my turn" a little more often than once every month or two.
