Repetition, life is full of it. Patterns, games, daily activities, work, making things, doing things... We learn by repetition, but also by making mistakes. How's that go again? We are doomed to keep repeating the same things until we learn to do it differently. I have noticed MrD has gaps in his memory that repetition alone do not seem to fill. When he is blocked, he starts "stimming," currently rolling from room to room, jumping and touching door frames 3 times, selective hearing (not new), and most interestingly - lying.
Lying is a topic unto itself, but apparently it is seen as a positive stage of change in Auspergers autism development. In order to lie, you need to understand that the other person has a different way of thinking than yourself. We all lie for different reasons, that's human. Lying about who put the carton of milk back in the fridge empty; who left a big mess on the counter or table; why is there no homework. Small lies lead to bigger lies unfortunately. The dilemma is how to teach lying has rules too. Lying teaches mistrust when carried too far. Do I bust him harshly for boldface lying about not having homework, or do I allow natural consequences to get him with a failing grade? Do I allow the messes to continue to the point where there's a bug infestation or the need to replace furniture? Do I lecture about it briefly, harshly & extremely to hammer home the point that consequences happen? Do I quit lecturing and make him pay for damages with money & extra chores? It all depends on the lie, the sincerity of the apology, and about forgiveness so that compassion is factored in. This doesn't mean forgetting or ignoring the lie, it is about learning and relearning until it is understood lying is wrong. No one really stops learning, this is no different.
It is the memory gap that drives me crazy right now. We keep repeating the same crappy problems, no one sequence of events is right each time to hammer it in that we have to behave appropriately. I have gotten to the point where I feel like I want to scream, "Control yourself!!!" when he's rolling across the floor for the 3rd time in an hour. Sometimes I do, he says, "Oh, sorry" and then does it again in a few minutes! Even using the same harsh interruption of standing in his way mid roll so he is forced to become interrupted doesn't work. Understanding why he does things helps, but doesn't crack the mystery. Sometimes he's bored, anxious, pestering about wanting to play video games and being made to wait, or brewing about something I don't know about yet.
I have been searching online about problem solving, and teaching strategies for our situations. There is no information about how to break into this type of uncharted territory. That is why I blog my experiences. It forces me to think concretely and put it out there to be real. I have anxiety about blogging these experiences. Am I overstepping, am I putting too much details, am I revealing too much family or personal information, am I at risk of compromising my son's right to privacy as a child. Then there's friends & family, how much do I allow their thoughts and opinions to influence this. I do lean on those trusted people to hear me out, and that helps my problem solving too. I am thankful to have other intelligent minds in my life to help me bring this child forward in his life to be the best adult he can be.
