I have noticed that mimicry is a favorite way of learning social skills for my son. He can repeatedly and accurately recite things that he thinks are hilarious from TV's The Simpsons and The Big Bang. I make sure to watch some with him & we can talk about wether it is appropriate or rude. The truth is that often rude things are funny, BUT we have to know why it is rude to appreciate the context. We are human, sometimes we laugh when we see a stranger fall down, or when someone bends over & their pants split. Misfortune is fodder for comedy. If we can't laugh, we'd be crying all the time! Sometimes it is healthiest to step back from a day of misfortune and laugh at it rather than rolling over & showing our belly and wallowing in it indefinitely.
Mimicry is how we learn to retell jokes in a funny way, or to tell a story without killing it with boredom. Mimicry is the oldest form of flattery. Mimicry is learning, and so is repetition. Repetition builds familiarity and memory. We learn musical lyrics, times tables, tying our shoes with repetition. Often saying we can't do something is a lie we tell ourselves, maybe we just don't want to do something. This is exactly why I have forced my son to join into social situations when he doesn't want to. It is like trying new foods, you have to taste it first to know if you will like it, sometimes repeatedly. Occasionally I feel like a Bad Mom forcing my son to step up and do something himself like paying for a dollar store item. I can see and feel his anxiety building. I do prepare him in advance & we talk through the steps. Talking about something is not the same as doing it. Many of us have similar anxiety in driving situations. I used to have anxiety about parallel parking, merging, and driving with a median on my left. With practice and repetition skills gets better and the anxiety backs off. Social skills are like that too.
Understanding Anxiety is key to succeeding the job of controlling it. It is a huge misconception to say we can beat anxiety, or overcome anxiety, it never really goes away. Anxiety isn't a bad thing unless it is uncontrolled, it is linked to our "fight or flight" survival instincts. Do we run & hide or do we fight. Anxiety has to be toned down, beaten back, owned in order to control it. Everyone has to learn to do this themselves. Anyone that goes through life avoiding anxiety often ends up with more severe punishing circumstances like hoarding, addictions, being housebound, panic attacks... I strongly think that anxiety is a root of many labels in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders manual that doctors reference to. That book is also known as DSM-IV-TR, is a manual published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) that includes all currently recognized mental health disorders. People that live with mental disorders are not at fault for their problems, they are just different and need help and acceptance.
Meditation or relaxation techniques are essential tools to control anxiety. Many times I have had to step into a surprise situation and tell myself, "OhshitwhatdoIdo...take a deep breath." Taking-a-deep-breath-blowing-it-out-slow, repeat, gives a pause long enough to let my brain help me deal with the surprise. It also enables oxygen to be available to my brain to make decent decisions. Hyperventilating begets oxygen overload with full adrenaline charge which feeds anxiety and horrible physical symptoms (heart racing, slightly dizzy, feel lousy, feel scared, paralyzed and numb with overload). That's great if a tree is going to fall on you, it gives you immediate energy & strength to try to jump out of the way. Not so good if a neighbor dog confronts you aggressively, or a stranger in a parking lot comes up to your car screaming at you crazily. It takes time to learn skills, learning to identify our issues is hard. If life were easy, we would be bored.
