I have been through each of the "monster moments" described in the previous post. Every parent seems to get a turn at them eventually. Wanna know the unwritten Parent Power solutions? Remember this first. Parents can't always deal with inhumane treatment in soft sweet ways. Kids don't always retain learning that way either. The old, "If you don't stop ____ right now I'm going to count to 3 then you will _be in trouble_." 1-2-3 chances to correct then consequence time doesn't work for nasty behaviour. It just gives the kid 3 more times to repeat & practice being obnoxious some more! An animal doesn't sweetly or firmly count to 3 & consequence, the offspring gets cuffed. I don't advocate for hitting children, but a well timed swat on the bum via bare hand is sometimes warranted. Sometimes kids get away with things a bit too long, enough to really stand on our last nerve. This happens personally because I'm stuck, I can't seem to figure out WHY is my son doing X, and HOW do I get him to stop it before I'm certifiably crazy. Its compounded by the fact that rotten behaviour almost always comes through when I am working lots, run down, or sick. Definitely seems to stem from the need for attention.
Attitude problem? Figure out what is the fight about. Jack won't put on his shoes. Fine. He can wear them or carry them, his choice, no other choice. If its winter outside, cold feet are unpleasant. If its summer and hot outside, hot pavement is not nice on bare feet, sock feet stand a chance until he steps on a rock or something.
Screeching noise? This is just plain bullying by the child. Sandy is purposefully stepping on Mom's last nerve & enjoying it. I asked an experienced Mom who raised her children, some grandchildren & foster children. This was a knowledgeable Mom who loved children & did her best. She said that she drank a glass of water in front of the screeching child, and as soon as that child opened her mouth to sound off, the rest of the water was thrown in the child's face. I used to blow into my son's face when he was a small screecher, but when the problem reared up again, water helped.
School trouble? Well, drastic times call for drastic measures. The smart parent thing to do is be involved in elementary programs. Get your criminal record checked at the start of each school year (its free), get your driver's abstract on file. Be a presence at school at least once a month if you can. A younger elementary school student needs more sleuthing to find out WHAT is driving the child's behaviour. Is it bullying, misunderstanding, stolen lunch, miscommunication??? An older child may just be practicing pre-teenage attitude. How do you feel about auditing elementary classes. I am prepared to do this & my son knows it. He is only getting one warning that I will spend the day at school with him. Socially it would be so "un-cool" to have Mom there every day all day. Not the attention from his friends he was after I'm sure.
Accidentally on purpose missing the bus? This one I have avoided. My son understands that if I have to drive him to school because he wasted his morning time & missed the bus, just picture this. I would drive him to school wearing my ugly red housecoat, pyjamas, and nasty slippers. If I'm particularly mad I would put my hair into a towel wrap. Once we arrive at the school I am fully prepared to escort him to the front door & give him a big hug in front of everyone. I haven't had to do it. Yet.
I'm sure psychologists & child education experts would cringe at any of these solutions. They're not exactly politically correct, and may even border on what some people would define as abuse. I think if used inhumanely, harshly, as part of power & control they are definitely abusive. Again, there are no laws against parent abuse, just child. Any behaviour correction plan could be construed as abuse if they are done in anger or cruelty. Parent power isn't about power or control, its about correcting nasty child behaviours that no one should be subjected to. If you don't have any parent friends, don't sit in your car after-school. Go stand near the doors with some of the other parents, introduce yourself, start some conversations, share a complement. Parents are all soldiers in the battle of raising children to be functional independent kind adults.
